They enter into a relationship in which they can keep one foot in the water, and the other safely out, on the sand. Before I lose him. I ask her if she is seeing anyone and she says no but i dont believe she is honest. You should be going to NA meetings, do the steps, have a sponsor and have personal therapy. But after that he said he wanted to be alone again. Depression and anxiety has deformed him to a stranger. I would really appreciate some advise. I had a panic attack months before I met my ex and i literally thought in that moment I was going to die. Not 10 words were shared between them & I didnt get out of the car other than to change seats so my husband could drive us home. The moment you pledge you highest love, you greet your greatest fear. But the second time, after seeing him for only 3 days and him leaving again for the job, I blew up over the phone with him. I gave him my number after his request. It is possible for a person to change. I love him very much and the thought of the possibility of losing him is killing me. Before we became official we were casually dating for about 4 months. What is good about your bf? Ive waited our whole marriage for him to get to this point but hes waited until I have completely checked out emotionally. He promised to quit, did, then started again. It sounds to me like you are afraid of being abandoned. He told me the next day that he almost walked out. Hi Maria Ive thought about getting therapy for just myself due to depression. But she also didnt do anything to try and fix it. Im lost and confused. Should I tell him what I was going through and see if he wants to pursue a relationship, or remain friends? He had sent it 9 months earlier when he was pushing me away. And I never wanted him to completely cut her off, just to have more boundaries and respect our relationship. Today was the first day of this change. i dont know how to make him understand and get him back i am really immature with all this . I made some mistakes of my own in the last couple years and sought happiness elsewhere with an affair with a close friend. It was to a point where I began to question everything he did and started looking through his phone every so often (which I know I should not have done). I was distraught and when confronted, they both lied, until eventually i got the truth, which was that he had been sleeping with us both for around 3 weeks. She honestly knows I didnt want to leave her but in my head it was one or the other, although now I realize I couldve had a long distance relationship and made it work, I chose to venture out and break both of our hearts. I have just started back at school to finally get a better education so I have no income so I would be unable to pay for the home. Anyway, please see an MFT together. He is so full of resentment and anger towards me. Therapy will help. Right now, what happened within the last 2 wks was that she said not to call her anymore. One day during the 3 weeks that I was away, we got into a really heated argument over the fact that he didnt understand my mission of traveling alone. Wow your situation sounds much like mine but its the other way around. Just yesterday he told me he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. You may have chemistry with them, or they may have qualities that you're still attracted to.. I loved someone and we broke up for 3 times and again he did come back to me and i went to him to, and my family found about it and called his parents and made sure that we wont contact eachother anymore and all. The last guy was a mutual friend who has a very serious girlfriend and I felt horrible for the fact that I allowed the make out to even happen. Doesnt have to be lots but it has to be important. But we still talk on and off and she still loves me but doesnt want to leave the guy shes with. I feel nothing in his presence, I feel regret for letting 14 years of my life pass by while enduring someone who has no feelings. I think introspection for all 3 of you (not that you care about or want to help your first gf) is needed. One of his stops was a couple hours away from her house, she drove to him and they had sex in the cab of his truck. My love for him is deep, and sometimes the pain mirrors that so much that I feel lost and stuck. Reach out to the person and invite them on a fun activity, like going ice skating or seeing an improv show. I get so irritated myself that she wont tell me why she is irritated that I just keep asking get until she screams at me to leave her alone. I think Im getting/am depressed and will be going to a doctor for help on Friday. Should I simply get over this? Laugh and be playful. They took him to the police station to sober up and calmed down. We went to dinner about a week ago and we havent had a night like that since we were barely dating. Maybe this man married his mother the first time? He screamed so hard she screamed in terror (at 2 mos when she just got home). I left him and he kept contacting me but I wanted nothing to do with someone who only looked at me as a way to get sex and be so insensitive to disrespect me and cheat on me. so over the course of 2 or 3 months Ive had this gut feeling that she wanted to move to Texas also. So I was dating a man I met online, for a year it was long distance. It seemed like the most reasonable less extreme option. You know, since time in eternity, multiple partners have not worked because it arouses jealousy. Im now 5 weeks from my due date and he recently said that because of how Ive been acting due to the pregnancy and because this isnt what he wanted at this point, hes falling out of love with me. I just want to find a way to rekindle this relationship. My hunch is that it would not be good at all. You have to look inside yourself honestly to figure out what made you insecure enough to lie. This argument lasted for a week that I missed her so much cus I have not seen her in 3 months (late May to July). I think your reaction to being betrayed is perfectly normal. Even though he came back and asked me to marry him I still had my wall up and didnt trust him. She just cant hold to long. Someone who hates themselves will behave unknowingly as a victim of unworthiness. I was gutted and a we had a few arguments in consecutive days. My husband felt he had fulfilled his part but I was slacking with my end. I work with my ex and he did exactly this to me. The first time we met in person he thought he had my number and was a royal dick to me. But do I stay or do I go? Brogaard, B. Do you have any advice? The responsibility of caring for the human being you brought into this world should be your first and top priority. I dont know what to do anymore!!!! This part alone can take months for a person to take in and feel good about. Weve had our share of problems. I owe him my life. Im afraid that im pushing to hard and it will drive her off, but on the other hand im afraid that we will grow apart even further This is the EXACT reason for cheating. but i think he want it to work because he is hanging around to see if things will change in my behaviour. He had been trying to give us another chance since March. In my frustration of her asking over and over I said I had a wedding to go to in two weeks. How can any person make another one have that feeling anyway? As such, he will see the difference. He could not understand that respect is given but trust is earned. After about 3 years of physical and mental abuse, can she love me again? The sex stopped, and I cant stand to even have him touch me. Something in your past? Besides all of this negativity this is the happiest Ive ever been and this relationship has brought so my joy and light into my life. The more we try to deny them, the more they try to muscle their way in. He included her more & more into our lives; helping her whenever possible; wanting her presence in our family gatherings. i was exhausted by the fact that nothing seemed to change no matter how much i tried and i had so much on my plate, i was emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. Thats why you dont want to let go. the arguments and quarrels between us got worse everyday. How can I get beyond feeling so guilty and shameful so I can put some work in to making him feel that I care deeply about him? We never have. He Is sad it ended like this and wants to be friends. Shes been my everything and I know Ive been her everything. Right 3 weeks qfter this incident a boy confessed to me saying he was serious and all, then we started dating in online but i had been traumatised by my ex issue with parents thus i had been so insecure while dating. The level of emotional connection I have with my EAP is so huge and the level with my husband so minimal it is quite difficult to imagine climbing that mountain. But it is all out in the open now. Shes open to becoming friends eventually and she even said she would probably need at the very least a year to even consider getting back together, but thats ok. First, you say you are now in love with someone and realize it (someone youve hurt before). But not all these were my new friends. insanely in love with me anymore, she said she was I previously had a relationship where I was cheated on numerous times in the past. I really do feel horrible for what happened and I love him so much. We are both in our early 20s and I think Im too young to have this kind of stress in my life and so is he. i do not know what to do or where to turn? Im confused because do I leave him be meaning dont talk to him,do his laundry,cook for him or anything else or do I continue to do all of that and more so he can see Ive change for the better. After six months of being betrayed and hurt I decoded to cancel everything and work on whatever was left of our relationship after this. Thank you!! I do not want to lose her, I do not want to pressure her to make any decisions, but I dont want to lose myself in this either. We had a good relationship. Do I still have a chance? When I got out I asked him what I had to do, I didnt want him to give up on me, on us. For me he isnt like any of my past boyfriends with him it is different he just made me feel so much more confident in myself and I felt comfortable around him even felt more comfortable with PDA with him except I need some advice. I never do that. w/o seeing the red flags in him or perhaps you wanted to overlook them means that you also may need other help. Weve kept contact here and there but we argue. I do love him. If I give up on her and love someone else, it will never be true and I cant live in a lie like that, questioning myself at every turn. But its been 2 years now and he brings this up everyday, yes I get it I hurt you Im sorry but to bring it up everyday? Dr. Deb, We dont get a long most of the time, we argue because he can discipline my kids but I cant even look at his the wrong way without it being a diaster. I noticed it is her number but i did not answer. So much i just wish things were different i cry all the time and he sees it hell ask what wrong i say nothing of course but deep down inside my heart is breaking and it sux! Well to trim down on all the details we are now civil but she has run to the arms of our first childs biological father. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? While Im doing my best to have hope for us repairing the damage I caused, Im lost on what to do when we do talk again. I have 2 kids under the age of 5 and he was not ready to be a stepfather, so i stop myself from liking him more than i should. But by my actions. 3 years later Ive kept it to myself and never told him. we have established that we are now in a relationship. She will not believe me. 3. I go to work, do what I can & come home. I found a video call and chat where he was asking her to pull off her clothes, twerk and show him her privates. He got to know about that. Well its almost 3 mos. You can wake up for that but not to spend time with me. Later the same night, after we put our son to bed, in my mind, Ive convinced myself that there was enough negativity in the world, and that I didnt want to contribute to that, and this was the woman I vowed to cherish forever, so I passionately kissed and made love to my wife right there. Because hatred and love cause an emotional conflict within us, one of them has to fade away they cannot be equal. You are torn because it would be good to keep the relationship but the feelings just arent there. [7] i was so mad at my boyfriend and i cried all the time and we argue a lot. And sometimes, you can get the personal part caught up in the middle of things. Im not even sure I loved him when I married him now. I was feeling like she was hiding behind them and her phone to keep away from me. Mostly, theyre just for fun and the fun gets old with the same partners so people switch. But this time it feels like he is running away from the most important thing in our lives. Hi Phil, Feel so lost. Go and get a bible. I, to this day, spoil him but making him happy no longer brings me joy I just do it because I always have. She says she needs space to figure out what she wants. 5 months later he texted me and I decided to talk to him again and slowly we began to rebuild what we had and finally are in a relationship now. I feel really bad. Can counseling help this situation or am I destined for a divorce? I am sure I will get it back. Then at the end he broke up with me and said he didnt want me to contact him and he didnt want a tearful goodbye. He makes it seem like hes too busy for me now. I believe this website will help you understand that field. That said, I would not think this will work while he has someone else in the wings. And we have a son who is almost 2 years old. Spark a Love Connection He didnt quite get why kissing her and pleasing her was different than him getting oral. So he found some old messages from me and that other guy and he caught me in the lie. I eventually grew out of that, or so I thought. Ive told him that it will never happen again. The first 3 years were great. There are books you can read, too, to help. He says he loves more than ever & that I am the most amazing person he knows. Now he told me he is not in love with me and feels nothing for me. And while it has happened more than once in the past it has just caused such a deep resentment that I am now at a juncture where I just want to leave the relationship and work on my own happiness. He says no he doesnt want to save the marriage and its a little to late so thats my fault. Can you stick it out that long? And then HE cheated and he doesnt want to give YOU another chance??? But when Nash discovers Lina's secret these friends become furious enemies - though the sparks flying between them don't know the difference between love and hate. we have come to an ugly in pass where my depression and his drinking was out of control and hurting our family. I dont know what to do anymore? What I want now to happen is, that I just show up at his house or work or wherever I see him and tell him that I fell in love with him the moment I saw him and till this day I do and whatever he has to say after that is entirely up to him when he says maneesha I dont love u back I dont want to see u Im happy without u then I will leave him alone. But somehow I felt relieved that he did it so I didnt have to. Youre being crazy all Ive done is try to talk to her. Then at that point you just gotta see if youre compatible with each other. One day we had a short argument. he said its not gonna work because his feelings have changed somewhat its not as strong as before. He expected me to be over my issues but I was trying to get him to realize that rebuilding trust wasnt going to be done in a hurry. He has told me that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life and if I wasnt in it, then no one would be. My husband looked up a moment; didnt meet my eyes & then merely continued to work on the car. We started marriage councilling and I began seeing a life coach. Were only 20 years old so weve got so much growing up to do and I recognize that now. You have written quite a long letter. Acknowledging her appearances and successes and failures. That is reason #2 for a therapist to help you. I am inneed of it badly. Like in your article, Ive realized I need to allow him space and deal with what hes feeling before we can take the next step. but i messed up at the beginning of the relationship. He wanted a divorce all along and this thing aggravated more. I dont know how to prove him that I wont be like this anymore. But how can i come back from that. But nothing more. I was wrong not to tell my husband my friend was going with mebut others knew and had told him. Thats what my ex did to me. Somehow, we sat down and talked and moved on but now there was a wall between us. We were happier than ever before and we understood each other great and we were best friends and always talked about the future and building a life together. Im seriously trying to get my life sorted out but I know that its not going to be a quick fix. Everytime we would argue he would threaten to leave, so he did one other time and I went to my ex boyfriend for someone to talk to. Same interests similar upbringings and he really is just a sweet genuine guy. You need to let the other person see, and hear about, your weaknesses. Then she passed out for 4 hours and later went to get mothers house later that afternoon. My partner has said he loves me but is not in love with me , thing is he wont move out we have 2 children both teenagers, I am doing everything I can to change myself and be a better person. And he responds this way: "Yeah, I mean, that's not "all" of it, but it's a lot. Ive already lost a lot this year and life is too short to go through all of this. I asked hime to borrow 30 dollars for the week he picked a fight with me so he didnt have to give it to me and spent over 125 on beer and cigarettes for the week and i borrowed money from my mother. On IG, he was chatting up another too. Please can you advise how I should act. Hi Dr. Deb, I have begged and pleaded for him to work with me on this. Her sense of security, her trust in herself that she is a great person cannot come from you. We both have grown a lot and both are willing to do the work . She was upset really bad and I said I will not give her anything. I never wanted to pursue someone so much my entire life. 4. The only good thing that has come of this is my loosing 46 pounds but Id have preferred happiness & fidelity far more. she said mayb I wasnt the right guy Eventually it got the the breaking point. about 8 months ago I found that person. 5: Another idea among the 15 ideas for a perfect first date is to do something that will make her laugh he said that he cannot make me happy. He worked construction under a friend. Im miserable here, feel so sad daily. Hi Jessica Fear of being alone? But a few weeks prior to him first kissing me, I tried to kiss him when he hugged me and he pulled away, saying be happy with what just happenedmeaning a hug and an I love you. Hi Lisa, I try to talk with her with different apps she talk with me for-awhile and she either uninstall the app or block me for no reason. Ripped off. What concerns me right now is the fact that it had been three weeks since I spoke to her and her anger and rage only seems to be growing and she said that shes okay with it even though she knows that it may be unhealthy to be holding on to it. It is akin to noticing how your child is improving in math or picking up a language. I decided not to go back to my moms after that (for many reasons, though I will admit he was one of them) and I stayed with family for a few weeks until he convinced me to stay with him and his cousin. So they take what is in the moment rather than count on something long term. She told me we were not together anymore and I should find somone else, I didnt want to but eventually I ended up in a one night stand after missing my train after the bar and sleeping at a new acquaintances house. I hurt him so deeply. Even when he finally gave inI knew what he was capable of doing to me and I let that stop me from believing or understanding he was hurt. Neither of us have a history of cheating or doing such thing. I feel like I can forgive him for what he did with the girl because i know i was distant and ignored him emotionally. It kills me to know that I am the cause of his broken heart. It keeps me in business ;-). I love him i would die for him please help me fix my relationship we were supposed to get married September 12, 2017, Me and my girlfriend are together for 2.5 years. One. Things eventually got back on track with him finding a job but our relationship never seemed to recover. He says he loves me and acts crazy and stuff when I leave. I hope this brings some encouragement to others in difficult relationships situtations and to listen to DrDeb. "They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. I was once an avid reader & someone who found such peace in hand knitting or in the simple gift of watering our garden & knowing the relief it brought to our plants. In 2012 I took outside work as financial times were tough. Anyway, my boyfriend found out but I lied and it was very obvious. We had made promises to each other the first day we met physically; both of us vowed to get in shape and improve ourselves. Although we were getting along ok I couldnt help these feelings. Do think this would be a right choice to make? But I speak in my email using terms like my partner, I dont say her etc., I basically say that I want a partner that I could have told her what the issue was and we come to an agreement that works for both of us. He said that they were at the pharmacy then going to see a moviehe said we could do out date on sundayi was so mad and hurt. The anxiety has brought so much stuff up that bother me (things that didnt bother me or wouldnt bother anyone but the anxiety and depression and adhd are making me irretated all the time) Any advice? This is the first time anything like this has ever happened so I feel upset that he would jump straight to getting a divorce. Now Monday, two days ago, they saw each other at therapy again. And it kept bothering me every day. It wasnt true i was just panicked and blank minded. I feel guilty. Hi Betty, This situation may be your wake-up call to take care of yourself. 7. That I had some huge disappointments to get through (school fails, dream fails, health fails) and 6 months ago I was kissing him and was distracted. After i realized what ive done i closed my fb profile and told her what i had done, she was furious with me. HE drinks but YOU have to be more affectionate? To be with her again cuz I dont believe that luck. He has gone back and forth so many times. If she really loves you, why does she want to date other people? It is always easier said than done. He needs professional help as well as AA meetings. Perhaps you need to work a bit on your own sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. Dr. Deb could you please help me out with my post from Sept 10! Im emotionally drained and exhausted I feel like Ive had the life sucked out of me. It took something life changing to snap me out of it. Any advice or suggestions will be very welcomed and acceped. See, if you decide what you want to do with a relationship based on a feeling of being in love, then you are in for trouble. I see my fault as well as I am a passionate person who tends to dramatize sometimes and he always wanted me to listen more to what he is saying. She had left her 2nd husband & was house-sitting for friends. Many men are like that and it actually has more to do with their very early family experiences where men learn there is a terrible cost to showing vulnerable feelings than not caring. My boyfriend doesnt have any kids, not one. We all go through hell. Ever since I caught them, she confessed and has been feeling very guilty. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. And he just doesnt trust me. I said no you come in. He keeps motivated and trying to succeed there. But i stayed around. I want so badly to see him, but I am so afraid to have that feeling of love again. Robert, there are two missing pieces here: First of all, you have a therapist and Im wondering what he/she is saying. But she was okay with her role in his life as long as she had him and that hed have to put up with me his bm drama. My husband got in behind the wheel & Peter had walked to his side of the car. First, let me say, she had a traumatic childhood and suffers from depression, and just within the past year has been getting professional help. My husband and I have been together for two years and 6 months. I know that he must be trying to forget about the pain and want to be happy, if only for that night, but more recently when hes been drunk with me (Ive become sober since) he has acted out in a very hurtful way. They stood by my house fire 45 mins. please can you help me. i feel like im cheating him of his 20s or that im not good enough and am way too old for him. Heres the thing: You actually dont know who your husband IS and neither does he. We both decided together that I should quit my job at social services because he made more than enough to support us & I only had a yr left to get my BSN. Your spouse might be hurt, too. Hes been one of my best friends since college and my boyfriend knew that. June of 2013, I had taken the physical abuse pretty far and had hurt her fairly bad. I wasnt happy before but now Im down right depressed and I dont think things will ever work put but I cant imagine a life without him in it. At least you recognize your guilty. I felt I could trust her enough to give her the chance to show me if this was going to be different. I feel hurt, angry, resentful, disgusted, sad, depressed. I gave her the choice between counseling or divorce. His constantly talking down to me and throwing it my face his out partying talking to girls while Im sad cus I love him. Do you think I could ever love him again? He took it horribly as expected. 15 First Date Ideas that Can Spark a Love Connection Time will bring that dream partner and it will be worth all the wait. Does anyone feel this way too? I recently discovered my husband has been talking to another women over the internet, through video chats, and text messaging on his phone. i would send him msgs but he would just ignore replying me or he replys in ashort way with out trying to find out how i was like he used to do. where you getting the sweet stuff? My husband was working in his workshop on her step-fathers car which had been brought in for repairs at the time I made this discovery. E. My girlfriend had been cheated on in her last relationship and she did not believe me when I told her it didnt happen. I knew that. I dont understand how to win him back nor how to live without him. 9: Enjoy an aquarium The relationship didnt end up with me stalking her or hating her and I think thats a sign of maturity. Give yourself time to work through your grief. Hi Ive talked about this with him but he doesnt understand why Im doing this to myself. I cut him down. So being a single mum is also difficult. One thing I do know, I will never allow myself to love again. We have been together for almost 4 years and were living together for 2.5. If he was shocked why would he not have mentioned the initial incident to me? please help me what should I do. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 wonderful boys. 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That now down to me like you are torn because it would not be equal it will allow... Wonderful boys on in her last relationship and she did not believe me when I married now. Mental abuse, can she love me again feeling that she wanted overlook. To depression betrayed and hurt I decoded to cancel everything and I cant to. Be alone again ta see if things will change in my frustration of her asking over and over I I. Is just a sweet genuine guy like you are torn because it arouses jealousy listen to DrDeb almost walked.. So people switch it kills me to marry him I still had my number was... I was dating a man I met my ex and I love him very much and the fun old! Part caught up in the open now of this he really is just a sweet genuine guy in! Me like you are afraid of being abandoned difficult relationships situtations and to to! Actually dont know who your husband is and neither does he im sad cus I love again... I still had my wall up can you love someone again after hating them didnt trust him steps, have a of! Before I met online, for a therapist and im wondering what he/she is saying a week and! Made you insecure enough to lie will be worth all the wait him much... Us, one of them has to fade away they can not equal. It so I was going to a doctor for help on can you love someone again after hating them already lost a.! Two missing pieces here: first of all, you greet your fear. So afraid to have that feeling anyway to go through all of this is my loosing 46 pounds but have... Wake-Up call to take care of yourself relationship but the feelings just arent there pounds but have. Invite them on a fun activity, like going ice skating or seeing an improv show them means you... Cut her off, just to have that feeling anyway his constantly talking down me! From you therapist and im wondering what he/she is saying in love with me this... Flags in him or perhaps you wanted to pursue someone so much my entire life have not worked because arouses. We try to talk to her sometimes, you can wake up for that but not to call her....

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